i thought i was over it just as i thought i was over you. but the truth is, i'd just been pushing everything away. i tried to force myself to let go of you but that only kept you more frequently on my mind. i tried to pretend that everything was okay and that i was finally out of the rut i'd put myself into for the longest time but that only made me realize how foolish and weak i was.
i'm ashamed to say that i still think about you each and every single day. granted it's only been a little over a month but that ache and pain only grows stronger. i thought that by now, i'd be strong and i'd be okay but i was wrong.
i didn't even think it was possible to miss someone this much. i wonder what you're up to every day. despite what i tell myself every time, my fingers push to open up your instagram and snapchat stories. i want to know what made you laugh today and what made you happy. it's not doing me any good whatsoever, but why don't i care. why am i putting myself through this?
i want to be happy, i do. but i also don't want you out of my life. i miss you. there, i've said it, i miss you a fucking lot.