i guess sometimes, when a girl is upset, all she really wants is for someone woo her happy again.

not everything can or should be rationalized with reason.

sister

to the sister i had once upon a time - we've had our fair share of ups and downs but somehow, we always worked through it. i taught myself to give in and apologize first because you were downright the most stubborn person i knew. but i loved you and i loved that you knew everything about me. you always knew what i was thinking and how i'd react to certain things. you knew how to make me laugh and what pushed my buttons. you were the older sister i never had and you watched out for me in almost every way possible. how quickly we went from strangers to best friends to sisters. i remember our phone conversations and constant texts about nothing and everything. those never ended despite my going off to college. you were the reason why i began to believe in horoscopes and was able to analyze every person who came across my life.

the abrupt end that we came to wasn't what i wanted. to be honest, i'm not even completely sure why it happened. during the last year, i tried countless times to rekindle our friendship - sisterhood - and failed. it didn't make sense to me because i sincerely thought our bond would withstand distance and time. but somehow, you weren't able to forgive me this time around. i don't even know why you walked out of my life. sometimes, i just want to call you up and ask you what was it i did that completely ticked you off. but it's probably too late now.

now, the only news i get about you is from your infrequent facebook posts and instagram updates. i found out today that you're going to hong kong for the next two years. why wasn't i notified when you got a job offer in hong kong? why did you not tell me that you were going to spend the next two years of your life in my favorite country? why?

despite everything, i love you and i always will. good luck.

"The greatest remedy for anger is delay." - Thomas Paine

i need peace. i need to be mindful of my actions and expectations. i need

to discover myself and get to know the person i am.

i've lived my entire life afraid of criticism-

catering to the opinions and judgment of those around me in fear that i'd disappoint them.

but that doesn't equate to happiness or contentment.

i can't love someone else if i haven't figured out how to love myself.

i need twenty-fifteen to learn and discover me.

2015 recommendations

decided against naming this new years "resolutions" bcus lord knows i can't keep resolutions for shit.

• read more. my list of books are piling higher than the empire state building rn
• i need to start giving a shit about things. too often do i find myself saying "i don't care" about something when i should be caring. this deals with relationships, friendships, jobs, emotions, and life in general
• travel - this is the only time when i can truly not care about the future and just explore the world. i need to take advantage of this
• find a job (preferably in san francisco)
• hit the gym
• write more. i want to fill this journal so i can finally buy that beautiful white moleskine i've been eyeing for months now *__*
• maintain friendships bcus the people who are my friends now are prolly going to be the people at my wedding. i need to stop fuckin up friendships and not giving a fuck about what others think if i want people to show up at my wedding n funeral