∞

"I was so stupid. How could I believe all those words after how much pain you caused? How many tears have I shed in your honor? Too many. How many tears have you shed in mine? None. Why did I believe that you were headed north when you were walking south? Why did I think I could have a relationship with someone who didn't want that with me?

...
I can't escape the hatred. The love. The pain. It's all here. An exposed nerve. Why did I email you? I drank too much. I smoked too much. I wasn't in my right mind. I thought I could say all of this with one sentence. It was stupid, I know. Why didn't you respond? I wish everyday that I didn't do that. I wish I never met you. I wish you would grow the fuck up and stop making excuses for your behavior. I wish you were a man. I wish you would be him - the version of you that I created in my head, the version of you that I compare to actual you. I made you up. You don't exist. You aren't the man I love. You aren't even the man I hate. You are just a man. You don't matter. You are a blip on the great plane of the universe. The only reason I still care is because I haven't found anyone new yet. You aren't the person I love. I don't love you. I never loved you."

Original