Playing catch up

I'm so terribly bad at keeping up with writing blogs. Mostly because I've become a lot more private with my feelings–exposing only what I want people to know at specified times. Regardless, this year is finally coming to an end. While I say this every year, 2015 has really been an eye opener to me. What I've learned about myself, love and relationships, and friendship has really brought me to a whole new level of acceptance.

I've become more accepting of the type of person I am. And while that's not necessarily the person I would like to be, I believe the first step of anything is acceptance. I'm going to continue accepting the person that I am while also working in the upcoming year, to become the person I would like to become–a better version of myself.

In love, I've let go of so much this year. I finally moved on from my haunting past and allowed something new into my life. I've made many mistakes but I haven't let those mistakes keep me from moving forward. My only wish is that the upcoming year will bring me happiness and peace with both myself and my loved ones around me.

In graduating college this year, I've really learned how to keep those who are important to me, close to my heart. I've really blossomed in friendships and made a true effort and commitment to these people. That, for which, I am very proud of.

Still deciding on what my 2016 resolutions will be. Will update soon.

Life of an idealist

I've been trying lately to hold back bottled negativity and emotions. But what is it about growing up and old that you become so sensitive? Sensitive to your surroundings, to the words spoken from someone else's lips, and to the way you are perceived? Each time I feel like I should have a fuck-if-I-care attitude, I relapse and it all turns to shit. Maybe this is the inner workings of an idealist. I have all these thoughts in my mind and these picture-perfect moments that I work so hard to realize that when it all turns to shambles, I crumble too. The near perfect life I've carved out so intricately in my brain—that white picketed fence, all American lifestyle—too real, yet so far. I want that perfect relationship. The one where all things work out and we love each other dearly. Support and unconditional love follows us to our graves. But it's only until I'm in one, that I realize how impossible it is to hold onto this idealistic vision before it disappears into thin air. I'm trying, though. I feel like I'm always trying too hard. Is this how life just is? 

I don't want to be like this. 

some things in the next few months:

• FIND A JOB
• china travels (Apr 13-28)
• berlin/amsterdam travels (May 5-12)
• graduation commencement (May 18-24)
• move to sf (?)

Blessed

I haven't written in a while because I've really had nothing much to say lately. But I've been thinking for the most of today about how blessed I am to live the life that I do. I couldn't have asked for more selfless parents and constant support in everything I do. I've never had to contribute to a single thing at home in my life yet I receive so much. I've been given so many opportunities in life and so many things because my parents want me to be the best me that I could be. I know I don't deserve it yet I don't yet have the abilities to repay my parents for the things they've provided me since birth. I am so, so lucky.